socialjustice – Medicinal Conversations

Notes from a Traveling Nurse

Last week, while on call, I cared for my first NICU babies.(in my Career) Honesty, when I arrived on the unit with my colleague,(Scrub Tech) as many babies are too sick to be transported to the OR, I thought I might lose it. Like faint — at first. It was hotter than the NM desert in July compared to the arctic air of the OR rooms. After arriving back into my body — sometimes when I get anxious, I can leave it, I felt I would lose it again — as in tears. And then, as a Health care provider does so well, we shift from emotion to focus; tending to the now, to the baby and everyone caring for this tiny 3 day old human attached to nonhuman things. Things that drip and beep and breathe — yes, do the breathing via a tube, for a child less fortunate to wail and breathe big breaths of life after exiting her young mother’s womb, too soon.

I have to be honest, I was overwhelmed by the size of the NICU here in this small city of Louisiana. 40 beds, to be precise and all but maybe 2, were occupied. It made me think about the dynamics of the community I currently reside in. Dynamics as in the demographics here — including education, wealth inequality, and crime. There are quite interesting familial patterns, I’ve come to learn about, through discussions with both Police Force and Health Care workers. Crime is very high — Domestic Violence being in the top 5(in the U.S.) here in Northern LA. Many kids have turned to the streets, and well, we know where this goes from here. Very young Mothers, being just one effect — a small outcome that turns into much larger and cyclical social outcomes.

We are all well aware that violence in our society is at an all time high, though many prefer to avert their eyes, cast judgement whether to the left or to the right. I mean this year(2021 is just a continuum, my friends) has been like one big dodge ball game, shit spinning in a fan — have been my two analogies — where everyone is either extremely reactive or have their heads in their asses. The latter don’t want shit hitting them in the face…but in reality they don’t recognize, they too, can be shitty human beings — yes, this goes for the Woke as F***, Yay Science and Trumpists fans too. It is a community, whether young or old, rich or poor, black or white, red or blue that holds us together. Unfortunately we’re like those little babies right now, on life support, attached to nonhuman things — waiting to be loved. Unified. Again.

A 2021 post (written 1/2/2021)

I’ve had a reunion, in this Pandemic, with all that really is. Or maybe that which really matters, to me — And I believe the Health of our planet depends on it.

It is relationship that prioritizes dusty roads, muddy rivers, animals and clouds too. It is the rocks and things. Bathing my dinner in sunlight before setting it atop a fire. It is deepened relationship to a small pod of Women… my Uncle too 😉 Via What’s app voice clips we shared our concerns, curiosity and insights. We listened. We learned. We beautifully tended to each other — from a distance, yes. Yet, somehow I feel more enriched than ever. I think they do too.

My wish is we all recognize we are all allies in creating a New World. It’s going to take listening 🎧, self healing, rebuilding. It’s going to take many minds and well intentioned hearts amongst unique and complex peoples. It will take seeing that uniqueness is what’s beautiful — and complexity too. It is going to take throwing your Gurus into the flames. Whether teacher, politician or fashionista.

This New World is going to ask who you really are and what are you here to do? It will ask you for courage, honesty, sovereignty. The new day will no where near, be comfortable — but you’ve made it through 2020. Right now, I’d say expect the unexpected.

much ease and beauty,
h.

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.

I wholeheartedly respect my colleagues in Medicine, Nursing, Science and otherwise — As do I Humanity and its Health. But to claim one who chooses not to be vaccinated(whether in the Health field or not) disrespectful and or an antagonist (un comrade like) is to gaslight and manipulate these humans. Humans whose stories, health history, experience one may not know. A body, so complex, diverse and interconnected to all that is in our environment. Diverse and interrelated to all that, which is within.

I’m not here to campaign for or against.(refer to post on vaccine reflections) Nor am I here to provide Data, Science Articles, etc. We have enough(and maybe not enough, currently) of this. And trust me, one will find the data and the contrary data, always — If one searches deep enough. We will also find the vice beneath the virtue. We all hold wickedness, something we’ve all forgotten.

For me I hope to sustain my values of curiosity, listening, observing, the beauty of “all kinds” in my heart and in these spaces. I can truthfully say, “I don’t know” and be very okay with this stance. It’s a place that allows wiggle room, change of heart, different perspective, different science, slowing down. Waiting. It invites in Faith. It invites Mystery. It invites in Life and Death. I know there has been great suffering and loss this year. I did not bear witness to the scenes my friends and family can testify to, in cities such as New York, Chicago, Seattle, Miami, LA. But the feelings/the energy is palpable and recognizable — worldwide.

I do trust my choice(at this time) not to be vaccinated. I know that sometimes “doing good” can be more destructive. We only need to look at our yesterdays, to see this. Maybe applying our oxygen masks before assisting the other, is the choice for, The Vaccine and maybe it’s the choice, against. I will sit in neither virtue right now.

This is my message — I understand the implications of the Pandemic/economic tragedy and perhaps more dismal days ahead. I don’t know exactly what this trajectory looks like, but I know it’s important we take care of ourselves. Self Care is not Selfish. Please reach out to loved ones. If you have a trusting relationship with a Doctor, or another Healer of sorts, it’d be a great time to connect and have a discussion, not only on the vaccine but your Whole Health. If you do not understand your medications you are taking, well, now is the time. If you do not fully understand your disease processes/comorbidities — now is the time. If your MD claims to be your gatekeeper and feels the need not to be transparent and informative/sensitive to your health and needs — the time is now, to get a new Doctor. The time is now — To know thyself.

**And I know there are many that do not want to hear of Philosophy, Poetry and Faith right now. But this is what I bring to the table along with my love of Science.**

On 2019-2020

Leaving NYC last year, at this time..now, feels like a thousand lifetimes ago. Currently it’s like I’m waiting for the man behind the Green Curtain, in OZ, to show his face. The face we are all holding our breath to see — As it is, so many faces.

I left, not to find some — Thing, but as if it was the next, one foot in front of the other. With the help of the wind, behind my back, friends I am forever grateful for, and an emptied retirement account(I wasn’t going to leave my moola in the hospital’s hands) I set sail; by air. So I guess it’s kinda like I retired. haha/ And it’s time to get back to work….differently of course.

I think I was kinda bored in the city; the same day in and day out. Not that there’s anything wrong with routine/structure. It’s quite helpful. And comfortable. Yet running the same patterns and drill, ie working hard for the money and then seeing it all disappear, in one clean swoop; something wasn’t adding up. And did my salary buy me beautiful and tasty things too…indeed. But that salary couldn’t buy the feeling of a futbol game on a dirt road, in Egypt, with a few young barefoot boys/young girls on the sidelines — rooting and cheering for the team with the woman(from New York) to win. Priceless. These tiny humans are the heroes of my 2020.

From Europe to Southeast Asia. From SE Asia to Northeast Africa and back to Europe again. The end of 2020 a vastly different view than the end of 2019 — For everyone. Trust me I have wanted to skip right back out of America or sail out to sea with some handsome man (in my fantasy) as I’ve been feeling an extreme of emotions. None of what I have to say is probably too helpful in these times; times of unrest, the lifting of the curtain, the new order — or shall I say, the new weird. A weird that is going to get all the more so.

And to those that are finding these days all too inconvenient, disturbing your peace/comfort, ruffling your feathers — well, this is the OZ we’re in. This is the dismantling. The rebirth. The hurt and pain..in our face. This is Justice. This is the people — those that have been on the sidelines for far too long. This is love. This is change.