publichealth – Medicinal Conversations

Notes from a Traveling Nurse

Last week, while on call, I cared for my first NICU babies.(in my Career) Honesty, when I arrived on the unit with my colleague,(Scrub Tech) as many babies are too sick to be transported to the OR, I thought I might lose it. Like faint — at first. It was hotter than the NM desert in July compared to the arctic air of the OR rooms. After arriving back into my body — sometimes when I get anxious, I can leave it, I felt I would lose it again — as in tears. And then, as a Health care provider does so well, we shift from emotion to focus; tending to the now, to the baby and everyone caring for this tiny 3 day old human attached to nonhuman things. Things that drip and beep and breathe — yes, do the breathing via a tube, for a child less fortunate to wail and breathe big breaths of life after exiting her young mother’s womb, too soon.

I have to be honest, I was overwhelmed by the size of the NICU here in this small city of Louisiana. 40 beds, to be precise and all but maybe 2, were occupied. It made me think about the dynamics of the community I currently reside in. Dynamics as in the demographics here — including education, wealth inequality, and crime. There are quite interesting familial patterns, I’ve come to learn about, through discussions with both Police Force and Health Care workers. Crime is very high — Domestic Violence being in the top 5(in the U.S.) here in Northern LA. Many kids have turned to the streets, and well, we know where this goes from here. Very young Mothers, being just one effect — a small outcome that turns into much larger and cyclical social outcomes.

We are all well aware that violence in our society is at an all time high, though many prefer to avert their eyes, cast judgement whether to the left or to the right. I mean this year(2021 is just a continuum, my friends) has been like one big dodge ball game, shit spinning in a fan — have been my two analogies — where everyone is either extremely reactive or have their heads in their asses. The latter don’t want shit hitting them in the face…but in reality they don’t recognize, they too, can be shitty human beings — yes, this goes for the Woke as F***, Yay Science and Trumpists fans too. It is a community, whether young or old, rich or poor, black or white, red or blue that holds us together. Unfortunately we’re like those little babies right now, on life support, attached to nonhuman things — waiting to be loved. Unified. Again.

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.

I wholeheartedly respect my colleagues in Medicine, Nursing, Science and otherwise — As do I Humanity and its Health. But to claim one who chooses not to be vaccinated(whether in the Health field or not) disrespectful and or an antagonist (un comrade like) is to gaslight and manipulate these humans. Humans whose stories, health history, experience one may not know. A body, so complex, diverse and interconnected to all that is in our environment. Diverse and interrelated to all that, which is within.

I’m not here to campaign for or against.(refer to post on vaccine reflections) Nor am I here to provide Data, Science Articles, etc. We have enough(and maybe not enough, currently) of this. And trust me, one will find the data and the contrary data, always — If one searches deep enough. We will also find the vice beneath the virtue. We all hold wickedness, something we’ve all forgotten.

For me I hope to sustain my values of curiosity, listening, observing, the beauty of “all kinds” in my heart and in these spaces. I can truthfully say, “I don’t know” and be very okay with this stance. It’s a place that allows wiggle room, change of heart, different perspective, different science, slowing down. Waiting. It invites in Faith. It invites Mystery. It invites in Life and Death. I know there has been great suffering and loss this year. I did not bear witness to the scenes my friends and family can testify to, in cities such as New York, Chicago, Seattle, Miami, LA. But the feelings/the energy is palpable and recognizable — worldwide.

I do trust my choice(at this time) not to be vaccinated. I know that sometimes “doing good” can be more destructive. We only need to look at our yesterdays, to see this. Maybe applying our oxygen masks before assisting the other, is the choice for, The Vaccine and maybe it’s the choice, against. I will sit in neither virtue right now.

This is my message — I understand the implications of the Pandemic/economic tragedy and perhaps more dismal days ahead. I don’t know exactly what this trajectory looks like, but I know it’s important we take care of ourselves. Self Care is not Selfish. Please reach out to loved ones. If you have a trusting relationship with a Doctor, or another Healer of sorts, it’d be a great time to connect and have a discussion, not only on the vaccine but your Whole Health. If you do not understand your medications you are taking, well, now is the time. If you do not fully understand your disease processes/comorbidities — now is the time. If your MD claims to be your gatekeeper and feels the need not to be transparent and informative/sensitive to your health and needs — the time is now, to get a new Doctor. The time is now — To know thyself.

**And I know there are many that do not want to hear of Philosophy, Poetry and Faith right now. But this is what I bring to the table along with my love of Science.**

Memos of a Current Travel Nurse -Louisiana-

I arrived in LA with this feeling of going backward. Then I thought: One person’s backward is another person’s forward. And maybe there really is no backward, only a continuum. Backward was something created by those on the upper rungs. Those from the moment the watch was invented, setting the timelines for us from Birth to Death.(though Death was never discussed) Many that are drinking the kool-aide, are yet to see the costs. Rather, we bought into the dream, like wide eyed kids playing with Barbie and Ken; bodies pale — until 1980. Shaped like no man or woman, in reality is — until one could buy the plastic with the dream. For most, climbing the rungs was and is the drive to live; Bandaids and Barbie Doll Houses, covering over, the holes in our hearts.

Almost a year into a Pandemic, we’re witnessing what is beneath the bandages. I have experienced images this year of not recovery, but surgery. Bandaids are no longer working — it’s a heart transplant that is underway. And transplants take time, steadiness and a team of beating hearts. One must be comfortable with a little mess and know when to take the right next steps. Maybe with our new hearts we’ll realize there is so much Love to go around. Perhaps in our next Global crisis we will recognize the importance of community, for Richer or Poorer. Black or White. Red or Blue. Looking at blood we know not what belongs to who.

With our new hearts in recovery may we renew our relationship with Mother Nature — knowing our health depends on it. Lastly, as we exit the hospital may we feel a sense of aliveness, compassion, and humility and offer these qualities to all those on our path…whether straight, curvy, backward, forward or on the continuum.

May we dare to dream our own dreams – Be well,