Tag: modernmedicine

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.

I wholeheartedly respect my colleagues in Medicine, Nursing, Science and otherwise — As do I Humanity and its Health. But to claim one who chooses not to be vaccinated(whether in the Health field or not) disrespectful and or an antagonist (un comrade like) is to gaslight and manipulate these humans. Humans whose stories, health history, experience one may not know. A body, so complex, diverse and interconnected to all that is in our environment. Diverse and interrelated to all that, which is within. 

I’m not here to campaign for or against.(refer to post on vaccine reflections) Nor am I here to provide Data, Science Articles, etc. We have enough(and maybe not enough, currently) of this. And trust me, one will find the data and the contrary data, always —  If one searches deep enough. We will also find the vice beneath the virtue. We all hold wickedness, something we’ve all forgotten. 

For me I hope to sustain my values of curiosity, listening, observing, the beauty of “all kinds” in my heart and in these spaces. I can truthfully say, “I don’t know” and be very okay with this stance. It’s a place that allows wiggle room, change of heart, different perspective, different science, slowing down. Waiting. It invites in Faith. It invites Mystery. It invites in Life and Death. I know there has been great suffering and loss this year. I did not bear witness to the scenes my friends and family can testify to, in cities such as New York, Chicago, Seattle, Miami, LA.  But the feelings/the energy is palpable and recognizable — worldwide.  

I do trust my choice(at this time) not to be vaccinated. I know that sometimes “doing good” can be more destructive. We only need to look at our yesterdays, to see this. Maybe applying our oxygen masks before assisting the other, is the choice for, The Vaccine and maybe it’s the choice, against. I will sit in neither virtue right now.

This is my message — I  understand the implications of the Pandemic/economic tragedy and perhaps more dismal days ahead. I don’t know exactly what this trajectory looks like, but I know it’s important we take care of ourselves. Self Care is not Selfish. Please reach out to loved ones. If you have a trusting relationship with a Doctor, or another Healer of sorts, it’d be a great time to connect and have a discussion, not only on the vaccine but your Whole Health. If you do not understand your medications you are taking, well, now is the time. If you do not fully understand your disease processes/comorbidities — now is the time. If your MD claims to be your gatekeeper and feels the need not to be transparent and informative/sensitive to your health and needs — the time is now, to get a new Doctor. The time is now — To know thyself. 

**And I know there are many that do not want to hear of Philosophy, Poetry and Faith right now. But this is what I bring to the table along with my love of Science.** 

Resuscitation -Take I-

In these most unprecedented times, the public has been swarmed with a range of portraits/narratives into a medical system that has been quite frankly, working in the closet for years. I don’t think there’s ever been a moment where we’ve had more of a closeup, inside the walls of our hospitals. This closeup though, needs further attention. First and foremost, may we observe lightly as well as think deeply and more objectively into the lens we are viewing from outside the walls. Things are never as what they appear to be….we know this. We live in such a time of glossy and or fake news/entertainment, agenda driven squares and quite frankly, an ever evolving lack of self authority and responsibility.    

In order for us to transcend — renew a sense of responsibility in our Care systems, I think we must begin to storytell. We need stories from deep within the hearts of medical providers. We need the tragic and the beautiful. The moments we have been touched by our patients, when we have learned something from them, and moments we’ve realized, mistakes were made. We need the stories of birth and of death and how we can accommodate both transitions better. We need to hear humans over machines; hearts over minds, at times and the stories that are impacting our environment as well as the health of the providers/patients within these walls. 

Recently, I have listened to many perplexed and anxious medical minds and bodies on the forefront. And we perhaps, have an even more bewildered and scared mass of bodies waiting outside, to be seen by these insides. My hope is we resuscitate a culture that’s too often boot straps and boxing gloves. That we become alive and healthy again through truths, stories and broader perspectives of what it means to be a human in health care. The good, bad and the ugly. Hey, and if you want to do a dance at times, dance.  I guess just looking into the intention, within that celebration. Because remember, the outside is always looking in, fortunately and unfortunately with a more scrutinous eye.  At the end of the day may we all be Ambassadors for something larger than ourselves. 

Nurse Me

Well here it goes. The Nurse me.  If we want to speak of “battles” then I have a battle wound or two. These wounds are more akin to tears(holes, breaks) in my heart. It’s ironic, as my inner compass showed me Medicine for a reason. But it appeared to me,(through my body/my health)in almost my 20th year of service that the way of the West, the way of New York; powering through, the way of metrics, evaluation, speed, waste, and profits no longer met my inner standards/values of what Medicine means to me. In my heart. 

I worked and pushed through a lot of disempowerment in my hospital days. The only thing bringing me back from these edges was not a boss that says “If people aren’t happy, they can leave.”  It was the immense humility to connect and be present, make more comfortable, to see; to see another through a most vulnerable time. Through the gifts of what medicine, at its roots, also entails. Yet these gifts, and I will name them, are the Femine values and virtues/the intangible/the unmeasurable,unquantifiable parts to the whole, that often go unrecognized.  It is the gift of selflessness; as a human being on their deathbed that says. “Give a piece of me to another, please,” and they donate an organ. It is the Nurse that shows up to work countless hours to send money home to their families. It is the Caretaker that comes to work sick, because there lies in these systems, lots of trickery, guilt and shame. It is a system that, in the current conditions, looks so unified on the outside. But the truth is, it’s broken.  

This is not meant to drag the current resilience, bravery and light by which we view the Health Care system off the stage. I only write this to cast some shade…because there’s always a shadow. I admit, I felt betrayed as I walked out of the locker room after eight years of service to a place I brought heart, soul, light and wisdom to.  But I am also so proud of who I’ve become in the process.  I know that we each are our own Medicine following our own heart’s Lub,Dub. And  I was definitely one, to march to the beat of my own drum, always. I guess I no longer felt part of the beat.  

Are We Really at War?

With much respect for those on the health care lines, always, including the patients, I bow to you. I also want to take a moment and express my concern around the  “war”  language blooming in these deeply strange and ambivalent times. To go to “war” on something that “doesn’t want to fight with you,” is a narrative, after deep thought, that I’d like to see retire. – The Saving lives as a Battle – The War on Drugs – The War on Poverty-  When we use terminology such as battle, fight, kill what are we communicating to the layperson?  To the sick?  To the vulnerable? To ourselves?  Do we call it a “fight,” to perhaps soothe our very own fear of mortality, stroke our egos; ease our pains?

Our health isn’t an absence of illness whether acute or chronic. It’s neither an absence of virus, trauma, tumors, infection or mental affliction. These pieces, either one or/and the other that may visit us one day or already do, are parts of our WHOLE health.  Just as poverty and drug addiction are pieces and reflections of a society and its health at large. We don’t need to battle it. We need to understand it from a holistic lens; to view the bigger canvas. We need to treat a human being undergoing surgery, as a whole being, not as parts to a car. Even treatment from a microscopic realm includes vast geography. These parts of me , you, society are not intentionally trying to battle us.  So why wage a war?  

I ask, “Is there an alternative expression for War?”  I don’t know, but I think it’s time to grow out of hostile acts, upon the Other and most importantly, our Selves.