May we recognize how much we’ve learned this year about ourselves and community. About history — ancestral, social, political. How it has reared some of its heartless and hurtful parts. How we are learning compassion, tolerance and forgiveness || prioritizing how we want to feel.
May we have begun familiarizing ourselves with our own addictions; pain, control, fear and transmuting these pieces — knowing we are a part of the big night sky. We are meant to be here…Now. Bright. Better. (Not as in more perfect)
May we recognize the importance of health..and reflect often, on what this means. The health of ourselves and its impact on the health of society. And society’s health on us.
Perhaps we don’t shout “Happy New Year,” this year. I don’t know, it doesn’t feel in tune. Does it? Maybe we say, “Welcome 2021.” We are ready. One day at a time — One foot in front of the other.
Welp, my journey has begun, and part of me wants to turn around and go back to the Mountains. 5 hours on the road today — Got pulled over for going 95 in a 75 about 2.5 hours in.(still in NM) I was so enveloped in a podcast, “This Jungian Life,” with three analysts, discussing dreams followed by the topic, America’s “Wall.” Or is it Trump’s Wall? Oh and I only got a warning. On that speeding thing. Was this White Privilege or a Nurse/Cop thing?? I’m going to answer, “Both.” You’re free to chime in. Also, I really should write in, to this podcast, about some of the dreams I’ve been having…if you haven’t heard.
Speaking of Trump, I’m in Texas now — and apparently the slogan still goes, “Don’t mess with Texas.” Yikes! I will not and I kinda want to — mess with Texas. Though it got dark and I cannot drive so hot after the sun goes down. Anyone else have this problem?? So I went to the supermarket, settled for beer and got the fuck out of there. I just couldn’t. And I don’t really drink beer anymore. The market was like DisneyLand and one of the biggest stores I’ve been in. EVER. Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic. A bit. But there are no bits here in Amarillo.
Masks worn inside = 70%. Worn properly = 50%.
Now remember, I’m coming from Ojo Caliente, a population of not even 600 people. Not thousand. Not million. People — Just People. (These past 7 months) Oh, Ojo. I have to remind myself that this journey is not to compare. It is to BE. In witness. In curiosity. To ask, “what does it mean to be you?” Oh and also, to make a paycheck and have thirty five days off in between Nurse contracts, if I so desire. Desire — Cannot forget desire.
Ok, I’ll have a beer along with my Chipotle and chill in my airbnb,(joking, already sipping #2. Travel expenses get reimbursed, btw, so I picked a good one. Who am I kidding, I would pick a good one either way, as the interior/environment is a value of mine. There are lots of plants here and super cool chairs.(I’m into chairs) I’ll wear my already 20 yr old birkenstocks into the ground before compromising on the “home.” What about you? Shoes or chairs?
To those that think people are coming to your homes to loot you, harm you and Goddess only knows what else is in your heads…you’re not that special. Maybe herein lies the problem and is the root of why we stand so divided, still. It’s not really, just about guns after all. It’s about the man behind the gun. It’s the man that thinks he’s God rather than feels the love of all things Godly in his heart. The man that say’s “I worked for this,” and vows to claim authority over any other that doesn’t work/think as he does — forget sharing/reciprocity. It’s the man that listens literally to the external — no questions. No curiosity. It is the man that builds his fence so high as to prove something, uses all capital letters and exclamation points. No pause. Not a soft semicolon. It is the man that says — Don’t be so sensitive. Don’t cry. Buck up. This man likes to speak in extremes. It keeps his blood pumping. The flag waving.
I personally have seen the rifles at the door. I was called a beggar and a bitch myself. Yes, I hear you #AOC. And this was from the mouths of one of my own Brothers and White Father. I share this because what’s personal, absolutely, is collective. We are a World Family. It’s time to get on board. It doesn’t mean things will be perfect nor will we see the change we want to see in a fortnight. Being a World Family doesn’t mean you need a passport — but we damn well better care for lands and the people of that land we lay our feet on. Being in this world means to see some Divine spark in the eyes of others and if it’s not there, to say — How come? I’m listening. How have I contributed/or not? Being in this World Family means to know that The Divine wants everyone to feel Joy. Freedom. This is our natural state. In my humble opinion, this really is the work between White Men/Women. How many White humans have you been in the presence of, that truly know ecstasy? Ritual? Joy? Unity? Familial/Friendly Love and bonds not built on shame?
Being alive today, this year, in this world means we are witnessing our failed framework — a system of hierarchy; a world designed by and for White Men. It is a world where painful truths were not taught. History, romantically portrayed. Guns equate to heros. Heroes equate to dominance. Winners/Losers. White/Black. Rich/Poor. Man/Woman. To be here today is to be traumatized by War. War literally. War figuratively — Between us or them, red or blue, capable vs not. Dear White folk, we’ve got work to do — Healing and Recovery to do. It would be so easy, soothing, like your mouth to your mother’s milk to maintain normalcy. The thing is, that’s our normal. Not Humanity’s normal. We are a World Family.
Leaving NYC last year, at this time..now, feels like a thousand lifetimes ago. Currently it’s like I’m waiting for the man behind the Green Curtain, in OZ, to show his face. The face we are all holding our breath to see — As it is, so many faces.
I left, not to find some — Thing, but as if it was the next, one foot in front of the other. With the help of the wind, behind my back, friends I am forever grateful for, and an emptied retirement account(I wasn’t going to leave my moola in the hospital’s hands) I set sail; by air. So I guess it’s kinda like I retired. haha/ And it’s time to get back to work….differently of course.
I think I was kinda bored in the city; the same day in and day out. Not that there’s anything wrong with routine/structure. It’s quite helpful. And comfortable. Yet running the same patterns and drill, ie working hard for the money and then seeing it all disappear, in one clean swoop; something wasn’t adding up. And did my salary buy me beautiful and tasty things too…indeed. But that salary couldn’t buy the feeling of a futbol game on a dirt road, in Egypt, with a few young barefoot boys/young girls on the sidelines — rooting and cheering for the team with the woman(from New York) to win. Priceless. These tiny humans are the heroes of my 2020.
From Europe to Southeast Asia. From SE Asia to Northeast Africa and back to Europe again. The end of 2020 a vastly different view than the end of 2019 — For everyone. Trust me I have wanted to skip right back out of America or sail out to sea with some handsome man (in my fantasy) as I’ve been feeling an extreme of emotions. None of what I have to say is probably too helpful in these times; times of unrest, the lifting of the curtain, the new order — or shall I say, the new weird. A weird that is going to get all the more so.
And to those that are finding these days all too inconvenient, disturbing your peace/comfort, ruffling your feathers — well, this is the OZ we’re in. This is the dismantling. The rebirth. The hurt and pain..in our face. This is Justice. This is the people — those that have been on the sidelines for far too long. This is love. This is change.
Please keep your head high while your heart is low. Your spirit — stirring, broken. I understand what it’s like to mend pieces back together again.To make something Whole. I know it has been hard to see what you’re seeing. Hearing — Feeling. The hate. Grief, anger, confusion, violence, fear, death — outside. I can imagine what is going on… inside.
You my dears are the Golden Thread. It may not feel this way, but there is a reason for your Being. Here. Now. I don’t want to tell you these moments will make you stronger. Maybe not at first — The World needs a new perception of strength. As you sew this New Earth — with your Love. Vision. Action. Kindness. As we unthread. Because, what we created is losing Life — Breath.
You are here to ask the questions. How did we get to where we are? Why? And what do I imagine? It will not be easy, but you were made for this, even in all your broken houses — the talking heads. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you are about to Become. Transform. YOU ARE The MEDICINE. It will take time. Rest when you need to. Take a day off school.(yes, homeschool) Take care of your Self. And please, see the beauty still. Tell the world your truth — call out that which doesn’t sit, right and left. Continue to un-label this life. This or that. Invite everyone to take a seat at your table.
Walk with your head high even when your heart is low.
Medicinal Conversations 